Suicide Prevention and a Rant....

 Kansas is in the throes of political and moral turmoil right now. Especially with this new gender law. People with their current gender affirming ID, no longer have a valid driver's license. I have a whole biblical rant about all this stuff too, but all I'm going to say is this, if you come at me about what God says in the bible, make sure you can back it up and that you educate me, not throw shade. But that is a little off topic.... which is kind of how I live, especially since the cost of my ADHD med just went up by $300/month. 

Saturday my daughter participated in a Suicide Prevention Event in another town. We drove an hour and a half to get there to discover that we were one of three vendors. But it was for a good cause and there was no booth fee. So not a total loss, right? 

Set up just across the way from us was Kris Kobach. I was stunned. Kobach has consistently opposed LGBTQ rights, and Transgender rights. What does this have to do with suicide prevention? Did you know that in 2024 the Trevor Project surveyed the LGBTQ community and found that 39% of the LGBTQ+ community have seriously considered suicide in the past year and 46% of the Transgender population have considered it. Kobach has also opposed funding for mental health services, which is a direct hit against suicide prevention from where I'm sitting. or Standing. 

It's kind of blurry and that's okay, because it 
isn't the ladies fault that Kobach is a liar.

I really wanted to go over and ask the lady why the booth was even there. But when I went to the next table over, I heard her talking to someone and she doesn't actually work for Kobach. She probably genuinely thought she was being proactive in Suicide Prevention. So I clamped my lips shut. And that was super hard. I wanted to call out Kobach for his two-facedness. But I know it wouldn't actually affect Kobach. 

The great things at this event included the educational materials that were available for free, the PRIDE booth that was manned by a very informative individual who provided solid information for someone with limited knowledge of gender indentities such as myself. We connected to people personally affected by losing someone to suicide. 

Now, what are the next steps? How do I become an advocate in my community and let kids/adults/all peoples know that this is a safe space and they can talk through their fears, anxieties and disappointments with us? 

I know that God made my LGBTQ+ friends and family. And I know that God loves me. My job isn't to judge. It's to give hope. 

Sometimes You (by you I mean me) Need to Bang Your Head...

 Tonight was unwinding as a pretty chill Saturday evening. I was making a queso dip with beans in it, like Chili's skillet queso. It was coming along nicely and I was pretty excited about sitting down to eat and spending time hanging out with my kids. I had this little bit of mozzerella left over in the fridge and it needed to be used up, so I started to cube it up and throw it in the skillet. But then I got busted doing that thing you're not supposed to do (holding the object you are cutting and cutting toward your skin). And after bleeding through 4 or 5 bandaids in an hour, I thought maybe it warranted a trip to the ER. So me and the eldest took off toward the town with the better ER. We listened to music and talked about the good music (in the 80's) and talked about life. And laughed. Apparently we'd each stressed over this cut and the adrenaline rush made us funny. Or we thought so. And let's be perfectly honest here, we usually think we're funny. But we were giggly goofy. So we get checked in, and the nurse calls us back, and cleans my cut and wraps it in gauze and tells me to keep pressure on it. So I do. And soon enough the Nurse Practitioner comes and looks and says "It's closed itself off, you just need a bandaid. You're good to go..." We giggled some more. And signed dismissal papers. 

All the way home we jammed to some rock and talked. Some talk was serious. Some not. But as we turned onto our road, we were mid conversation when Whitesnake came on the radio. My long time anthem, "Here I Go Again..." Therefore, it is forbidden to talk during the song. And said child felt the need to fuck with the radio. She kept turning it off or changing the station. So after a not-so-idle threat to let her walk the rest of the way in the dark with the coyotes as her companions, she stopped and I was free to crank it up and head bang. Still bangin' as we pulled into our drive. Child gets out. I had to leave the car running so I wouldn't miss anything. But the trees seemed to interfere with the reception, so a little backing up was necessary. Child is watching and laughing. Just Mom, going for a cruise, banging her head to her 80's rock. 

Now that the head banging has commenced. All is right with the world again. Rock on my friends. Rock on. 

So much I don't know

 I could say this about anything in life really. That there's so much I don't know. But tonight I'm referring to sourdough bread making. There is a certain thought that the dough will be forgiving. That it's not rocket science. But a lot of the posts and comments say that it is rocket science. That it is precise and you (me) have no margin for error. 

Is my room/house too cold? What if it doesn't rise or double? What if it does? What do I do with the discard (besides discarding it)? 

Tonight I'm drifting off as I try to think of what I want to write about and I have this sinking feeling I'm forgetting something important. Nah.... you're just worried about.... oh crap! You're worried about those jars of bread you managed to forget about on the countertop. 

oh no.

I guess time will tell. If it's forgiving or harsh. I'm off to see if I can rescue it. 

I am a Swifty

 Yes, I'm a Swifty. It's not about the music. Well, not solely. I like her music. I liked her music when she was country and just a young 'un. But then she started to show how headstrong she was. Having opinions about things that aren't a part of the country music world, or the whole patriarchal society we live in. Shame on her. (haha). Or did she just outgrow the genre? So... I want to say that I get it if not everyone loves her, but I found myself feeling less that understanding when my friend said she wasn't a fan. I asked why. She said because doesn't like that kind of music. Really?! I thought all women were fans. Taylor is a champion for human rights and for women's rights. She's shown herself to be brave when she was assaulted and then was sued by her perpetrator for the loss of his job! Swift counter-sued for $1 stating that she was standing up women everywhere who were not believed when they reported an assault. Taylor is an example of a self-made woman who blew the hell off of the glass ceiling. And that makes me happy. She is known for her generosity to people who work for her; generosity to charities and food banks in the cities she tours in. I know she made generous donations to families of the victims in the KC parade for the Chiefs Superbowl win when lives were lost because of gunfire. This was a devastating event and she took it seriously. As far as I can tell, she is humble. Not arrogantly trying use money to make a situation go away. 

I just like the girl, okay. I continue to read ariticles and posts all over social media that raise her status up to me and continue to make think she's a pretty exceptional human being. 

No one accidentally gave her a bunch of money that she didn't ever work for. I watched the Eras Tour movie. Three and a half hours of running, prancing, dancing, all while singing and never losing her voice control. What? From what I understand that comes from intense training.... singing while running on a treadmill, learning the choreography while singing.... working out, practicing, taking feedback, re-doing practice takes. Over and over. The girl is smart and funny and sweet. Obviously, no one is perfect. And people might act differently when they know they are constantly being recorded. But she seems to be relaxed and just her "norm." 

This girl can sing, treat people with dignity, stand up for herself, champion other women and performers of all genders, oppose indecent treatment of people as a whole, and she's unafraid to speak her truth. No one would say that Oprah isn't an icon because they don't like to watch talk shows. Oprah is a fucking force. Because she is a self-made woman. A self-made black woman. Who should be respected. And these are the things I think about Taylor Swift as well. Okay, I do not think she's a self-made black woman. What I want to reference though is that she had/has a brave soul and crazy nerve to just go after what she wants and maintain confidence and dignity and treat people around her with respect and kindness. She's a fucking force. So how can you say you don't like her because you don't like that kind of music. She's bigger than that. An icon. A representative of what women can do. Or what young people can do. I know she's 36, but I'm old enough to be her mom. She was only 20 when Kanye West pulled his stupid stunt. She's a force because she was just a kid when she started all this. And now at 36, she's still a young woman to me. I don't mean that derogatory, I think she behaves like a mature woman, I think she's eternally young. I don't know. I don't know if I can explain what I mean, but I keep coming back to the facts that she's an icon and legend and she's not near the end of her life in any way or form. She's a freaking force. 

I'm a fan. A full-on swifty. And I am not afraid to shout it out. 

Yes, I am "just" the Substitute

 So next week I have a long-term gig. Teaching for a teacher on her honeymoon. I am super excited about it. And more than a little bit nervous. This is not the easiest class I've ever subbed in. So I feel like I need to really be on top of my game. One thing I firmly believe in is that continuity is good for kids. And the more days they can have the same sub, the better. Plus, it's a job. And money is one of those evil neccessities. 

Maybe teaching a string of days in one classroom will fulfill the teacher-need that I have to make a difference in the life of a child. Maybe it will be enough time to see some lightbulb moments. That is my prayer. 

Most of the time, subbing fills an empty spot in my soul that is meant to filled by being a classroom teacher. The planning, the implementing, the relationship building, the lightbulb moments, and the growth that isn't measured in moments. That hole. 

But subbing meets the relationship requirements and fills an empty space. Sometimes I get to see kids "get it" and that fills a teacher thing inside me as well. 

But what I really love about subbing is not writing lesson plans, not grading papers, not spending hours and weekends making and restocking learning centers. I don't miss sacrificing my family because I believe in kids. And with substituting I get the best of both worlds. I get to make a difference in the life of a kid, and I get to spend time with my family. 

Super grateful. 

Crazy Chicken Lady...

 I didn't used to be a crazy chicken lady. Well, I mean, before I bought chickens. But the whole thing of taking that leap and purchasing chickens in the first place led me down a dangerous path. We just randomly bought all sorts of birds that first year. That was during the covid shut down. We got bantams, silkies (which are bantams), and some layers. We went back the next week and got ducks. We would have kept on buying if we had more room. 

Then we moved to the country and learned about the Yoder Poultry Auction. Held on the last Friday of the month. Except the March and April auctions have grown so large that they are now held on Saturday. But if you go to auctions, you know they are kind of addictive. Not sure if that's the right word. But they pull you in. It's hard to stop bidding on something. We have acquired birds at auction. You also have to pay attention at auction to know what you're buying. Because sometimes they auctioneer will say, "choice," and sometimes they say, "selling the pair," or they might say something about "_____ x's the money...." Maybe there's a cage of 6 of a kind of bird, and they might say, "6 times the money." A lot of times, chicks will be grouped, by 3 or 4 or 6 or more. One year I got duped into 18 times the money. Whoops. But this type of chicken math counts against me. 

I hatched out some chickens last fall with the hope of adding to my flock. My flock never seems to produce to capacity. I currently have 10 hens and I NEVER get 10 eggs in a day. But I've gotten 8 a few times recently. Which is pretty good for my flock. However, of the eggs I hatched, I think it was 12 or 13 hatched. Almost all of them are roosters! I think 4 or possibly 5 are hens. The roos will go to auction in April. They are getting pretty. But I'm also on a quest for filling out my rainbow egg colors. I need a white egg layer. We will need to find a chicken that isn't white, but that lays white eggs. A few years ago, I got some white leghorns, and a California White maybe(?), that laid white eggs. But our white hens seem to get picked off by something.... fox or hawk maybe? They got gone during daytime when they were out free ranging. They simply didn't come home. So now we have no chickens that lay white eggs. And we don't have any blue egg layers now. We have a really pretty light green that is so light it's almost white. And we have some green eggers that lay kind of a sage green color and sometimes they are speckled. The speckled eggs are really pretty. And same with brown egg layers. Of my brown eggers, I have some pretty variations. One lays a light, light brown that is almost a pinkish color or peach-colored. And we have one Welsummer hen and she lays a light brown egg with speckles. And then we have a couple blue copper marans that lay a darker brown egg. I really want a black copper maran, which are supposed to lay the super-rich, super-dark brown eggs. If I had a blue egger, a white egger, and a dark chocolate brown egger, my rainbow would be pretty complete. 

My current egg colors. 

We decided about 3 years ago we wanted to raise silkies. They are pretty little bantams. Very interesting little birds. Sweet and docile. We are in the process of thinning our flock to the higher quality birds. As a general rule, our silkies are pet quality. But last fall we bought some show quality roosters. And a couple of our hens have a higher quality presentation, especially the poof. I think those poofs might be called the crown or crest. Dang, now I am going to have to look it up. Crest. I looked and what I found referred to that poof as the crested head. So anyway, we have been loading the incubator and hatching these little babies. Our last hatch was a little bit of a dud. There were two. Well, I helped one out, so three. But the one that I had to help hatch did not make it. Then last night, I forgot to plug their heatlamp back in. It was too warm in the back room where their brooder cage is, and I unplugged their lamp while it was hot yesterday. But I forgot to plug it back in. So they were cold this morning. I plugged their heat lamp back in. I was super worried about one of them, he couldn't stop shaking. Later today, he passed. This is when I'm reminded that Silkies are a little fragile. I'm hoping we'll find some gorgeous silkie hens this year to add to our flock. This will help us maintain a high quality of hatching silkies. 

Our thinned out Silkie flock

Currently I have two incubators on my counter that can hatch 41 birds. I don't load them full. I load every other egg holder. There's usually a better hatch rate this way. But sometimes I have bad hatches. The first couple times I loaded the incubator, I had a great hatch! Like a 90% hatch. But the "norm" or average hatch rate is about 50%. Sometimes I make that, or a little higher, and sometimes they are just duds. So my last hatch was a bit of dud. 

I'm getting ready to load the other incubator and try again and see what happens. 

This crazy chicken lady is going to something called "Chick Chat" this weekend. It is supposed to have free samples of feeds and stuff. But it's dangerous letting me loose in a farm store this time of year. 

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Random Stuff on day 3 of Spring Break

 Man I tried so hard to bang out a blog post before it was too late last night. I kept nodding off. But the last time wasn't a nod off, it was a full on sleep. I jerked awake at 1 something. It was time to call it a draw and just go on to bed. 

So I am determined not to give in today. I WILL complete this post! lol. 

My favorite way to write is randomly. Random ramblings about my day/week/situation. This kind of writing is cathartic for me. But that being said, I hope you can follow. I write like I talk, and I talk like I think, and that's a whole lot of ADHD. 

Today I met with a friend for coffee. We haven't met for coffee for 5 years! It was so good to be together today! This girl brings sunshine to every room and I love her. I'm so lucky/blessed to have her as a friend. My friend heart is happy tonight. 

When I returned home, I decided to just start this sour dough journey, right or wrong. So I mixed up a gluten free starter and a not gluten free starter and put them in the oven with the light on. We'll see what happens. I'm equal parts terrified and excited about this project. What do I do with the discard? I think you start discarding at day 3. That discard won't be bubbly and fermented. So is it worthless? I don't know yet. I'll pursue it further before then. But I'm super excited to try and make crackers sometime. 

Then my daughter asked me if I wanted to do her nails. Of course! My daughter is a nail tech. She's taught me a little bit. I love being creative. So this was a fun adventure for me.

I was outside talking on the phone. I have a phone call every week at this time, and on this day with my friend Sally. While I was on the phone, I'm walking around outside. We hear the goats bleating. Because that's what goats do. They are noisy little critters. But I look at them and laugh and keep walking. As I come around the other side of the goat pen, onoe of my girls is getting humped by another goat. I'm still on the phone and trying to figure out what is happening. Is this one of those goat-in-heat things where there's a little girl-on-girl action? Wait. What? NOooooo! It's the same goat I was laughing at when it was bleating around the corner back there, in his own pen! How is he in here with the does?! I end my call. I call inside and tell my daughter to get outside and help me. So she comes out. I have the little buck off of the doe (his MOTHER) when she gets there. We get the buck back to the other pen and start investigating where he got out. As we're walking to the corner of the pen to see if there's a gap in the fence, Dobby, our little escape-artist buck, sticks he head under the fence in the corner where we noticed it was bent back a little. He sticks his head under the fencing and starts to shimmie through that gap. So we now know where he's getting through the fence. So we go back and strengthen and repair the fence. Boys in their pen. Girls in their pen. 

I don't know if I've mentioned this recently, but I love collecting eggs. I collected eggs this morning when I let the chickens and ducks out. I have 5 ducks and collected 5 eggs. And three chicken eggs. My chickens lay brown and green eggs. I'm still chasing the rainbow. I need a white egg layer and a blue egg layer. And maybe a deeper brown, or a red. That deep, deep brown that looks red. 

Dinner tonight was smoked sausages on the grill, fried potatoes, and cream corn. Not to brag, but.... I make some damn good cream corn. It was even canned corn. It was good though! Worthy of seconds. Yes I did have me some seconds. 

Now I sit here attempting to type and nodding off. So while I know this may not be the most interesting post I've ever typed, I can't afford to go back to spice it up. I'm just too tired. Today was a good day.