Posting about life's journey.... recovery, addiction, teaching, loving, parenting, holding on, letting go. Sometimes there are answers, some situations have no answers, despite my efforts, good or bad, right or wrong. Sometimes the sanity lies in the pounding out the feelings on the keyboard and purging my addict mind.
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Moving on....
Today is full of questions for me. How do I "move on" and still be accountable for my past and atone for those "sins." I spend a lot of time completely submerged in teaching and in "not feeling"-- being in limbo. I live there because I don't want to feel the pain. But for a long time I have not been able to motivate, laugh, or feel the joy either. My kids are growing up with an absentee parent right here in their own living room. A parent who is so "busy" working on work or submerged in drudgery that she cannot enhance their lives, teach them how to live or love them to the fullest. I still make decisions by default-- not taking any action until someone or something else is forced to make it for me and then I live with the consequences. Thankfully today there is auto-pay for the things like my electric, my house payment, and so on. Or we'd probably be out on the street. I'm grateful I am not the person I once was, but I really want to move on, drag myself out of limbo and LIVE.
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