Writing about the sadness, melancholy and lack of hope is often the easiest thing for me. It is more difficult to put into words the hope and promise of things that are going well. I read the quote of the day. It talks about how we choose what we write about. Many people say I write like I speak. Yikes. That is a little bit scary. But I know there is truth there and it's not all bad. Agree or disagree with my point, it is usually pretty easy to consume. If you can follow bunny trails that is.
Today I am thinking of those in my life that I have gratitude for. The many people who chose to see the good and not give heed to the bad, the small, the obsessive qualities that plague me and have the power to render me ineffective. I am so grateful for those people. I have such a beautiful life today. And it's because not only do some people choose to see the good, they refuse to acknowledge the bad. Now, I have some people in my life who have permission to point out the bad, to encourage me to take a second look, to acknowledge that my life is not coming out the way it could. But trust me, I focus on the mistakes often enough. I am pretty good about obsessing about how rotten I am doing. But when I can acknowledge the good, it takes my focus off of what is wrong. Then I can peacefully work on the less than good.
We've been talking about this in regard to students. I have this high hope that one day everything won't revolve about my belly-button. But what I realize right now is that all the healing things I've been talking about in regard to students, apply to me. 3 to 1 positives. Yep. Mostly I focus on my crazy insecurities and paranoia and how I should try to be more secure in my knowledge that I'm pretty good at my job and that I actually do have some skills. But the truth is, when people acknowledge me with specifics, I blossom. When people acknowledge me in generalities, it cheapens it and I jump back into my insecure pattern much faster! (light bulb moment.....) Our behavior incentive program talks about getting away from the generalizations of just saying "good job" or "way to go" (two of my personal faves). I am thinking.... why? Why do I need to be more specific? Then I saw it in regard to myself. OH.... now I get it! I also know that silence is not the same as a positive. It is just silence. And it lets the voices in my head go crazy. And they should never be left to their own devices. They are really quite crazy. Hmmmm.
Life lesson? Yep. Is it that I'm crazy? Nope, that lesson has already been learned. But do I see how important it is to give specific feedback on positive interactions? Yes I did! Am I learning that silence is not golden and will in fact lead to more insecurity? Yep.
I love you Safe and Civil Schools. But I don't always love the way you reveal my own soul to me.
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