TGIF

I am not in the swing of school yet. Not enough to actually be thinking about how I love Fridays. But I am pumped about this new Friday format for blogging. TGIF= Trust, Gratitude, Inspiration, Faith. I am following my friend Michelle at Big Time Literacy (BTL) and posting my TGIF post.

Trust. Today I trust that I can pull myself out of a mess I put myself in. Because I always do. And something bigger than me (God) always helps things to work out for the good. I trust that my life will continue to improve and thrive and grow. Seems I am often at a turning point and I can choose where my life goes from here. So I am trusting that I'll make a good, productive choice and forward move on the path toward middle class. Today I trust my instincts and my gut. They are on my side. I've been told oh-so-many times about how I'm wrong, I don't know, I make poor choices, etc., etc. In general, the poor choice was listening to the fool telling me I was incapable of making the good choice and doubting that gut feeling.

Gratitude. I am grateful for so many things that I hesitate to even try to narrow the list to what I can type here. But I know that focusing on my gratitude will improve the gratitude list and improve my life in general. Today I am choosing to be grateful for the struggle. I think the hashtag is funny and I don't hesitate to use it! The struggle is oh-so-real some days. Most days. All. The. Time. I have a teenager now. She constantly tells me that I'm an angry, hateful, mean person. I've invested in becoming NOT a mean, angry person and focusing on gratitude and choosing it and speaking it and thinking it and writing it and practicing it. So when she says this, I tend to shut her out. But what if I am mean to her? Because even though teenagers think they know it all, I do not share her mindset that she is the most intelligent being ever and the rest of us are not-so-smart. The last couple days I have had the realization that iron sharpens iron and maybe I need to be open to the idea that in her mind, I am not a happy, joyous and free person. That my perception that she holds the key to my happiness, not only imprisons me, but her too. And it locks our relationship in a zone that is not loving or kind. It is not softer or gentler. It is black and white. She is wrong. I am right. Unless you are on the other side of the mirror-- her side of the mirror. It is still black and white. She is right. I am wrong. Iron sharpens iron. Today I am choosing to be grateful not only for my beautiful daughter, but for our relationship as it stands currently, because it is reflecting thoughts that need exposed and changed. I am also grateful for the relationship we will have in the future, which could possibly be part of my faith paragraph. I am grateful for the opportunity to be the mother of a teenager again. I don't think any parent "gets it right" with their teen, but I am grateful for another chance to try to be the best parent I can be, and to use positive intent with all my children and realize that they are doing the best that they know how to at this time.

Inspiration. I am inspired by my friends and family who overcome. My aunt who is fighting cancer. I know it's a fight, with battle after battle. And that chemo is a bitch. I am inspired by my friend Michelle, who was "just" an internet friend until I met her in real life this summer! She is constantly focused on love, gratitude, spiritual growth. It's inspiring to me. My daughters, who I passed my anxiety to. They overcome obstacles on a daily basis. They are amazing and they constantly strive to push through their pain. I am inspired by my friend Rebecca who teaches me something every time I see her. She helps me believe that my deficits are also my assets and to treat them as such. It is not a shameful thing to have been in poverty, to have addictions, to fight mental health demons. It is something that gives me a great big tool box to build relationships with others.

Faith. I seriously believe that most of the time, things will work out for the best. I don't believe it is good to be flip or cliche about this when my friends face unfathomable tragedies like the loss of a child. There is no "our God works everything for our good" or "someday you will understand why this happened." In the "everything happens for a reason" frame of mind, I don't count these things. But day to day, yeah, everything happens for a reason. Why? Because it is so much easier to live with this mindset. And it propels me forward instead of figuring out the "why did this happen?" that invites me to look backward. I have faith that I am facing a new building with a new teaching partner because I am on the path to being the best teacher I can be. I am overwhelmed with fear and self-doubt if I don't trust that this is truly my path. So today I choose to have faith that this is the path I need to be on. I am choosing to have faith that by listening to my daughter, instead of discounting everything as disgruntled-entitled-teenage-angst, we will build a better relationship and I will at the very least become a better parent. I have faith that if I let it, iron WILL sharpen iron and make each of us better people.

What is your TGIF today? How will it shape you this week?