Emotional Tornado

 Today I feel beat down, 

hurt, 

injured 

by the very things

I seek to overcome. 

Those things I have worked on, strived 

to learn NOT to be about.

Aloneness.

Abandon.

Loneliness.

Sadness.

Defiance.

Whirling and twirling, 

round and round

the vortex goes. 

Ebbing. Flowing.

Eating. Destroying.

The doomsday tornado 

crashing 'round in my head, 

leaves me feeling like I'm dead.

It's angry and volatile,

its wretched and vile. 

The thoughts,

the feelings. 

Do you know what you fffffffeeeeeeeeee.eeeeeelllllll?

Hell no. 

Because I have smothered it in anger

and discontent.

I cannot experience my feelings as they are.

The beast, 

it eats them,

buries them, 

smothers them. 

in anger.

and darkness.

-Carrie Suderman