insomnia

 I don't even like the word: insomnia. Yuck. And I've never battled this. Other women talk about the insomnia that accompanies menopause. Thanks change of life for no sleep. But I haven't had to deal. I sleep like a rock. Except tonight. Tonight I sleep like a baby. A colicky baby. Asleep for two hours, awake and crying for 2 hours....

Okay, not crying. Everything but... 

Dreaming... what would a cooktop cost? I wonder if I can wire that myself? Will I blow us up? oooo, look, a clawfoot tub. Let's get that 2nd bathroom ship shape, and right now. Okey-dokey? 

Fretting... why God? Why are we $.02 away from broke again? or is it still? Did I just live in oblivion for a couple days/weeks? *sigh* What about guinea pig food? And food for ducks and the guineas and the dogs are eating like crazy and acting like they've never been fed before. We'll be out of dog food in a lamb's shake if they keep going like this. and I see that important call came and that they left a message. Finally. Great. My one and only message, and now I have a new message in the portal. I know what that means. That means case closed. That means I get to jump through even more hoops. I can berate myself for missing the call but seriously, if you want me to answer, leave a message the FIRST time you call so I can watch out for your calls. What if I was pooping when you called? Seriously. One message and one following missed call are not enough. Ugh. And seriously. I said pooping. Cuz the commercial says it is okay to admit that women poop. And if you've met me, you know I would have told you before the commercial said it was okay.

Drawing. Sometimes it is fun. I have completed 8 of 12 mallard cards for Christmas time. For the most part they are fun. But there's a pressure. A pressure that doesn't accompany cute little penguins sitting on a sled or a penguin eating a slice of watermelon reminding me that summer is over and sweet fruits are fading. I'm fretting about drawing and what if I'm not as good as I said I was?! But seriously, my drawings and ability to draw have improved and expanded 10-fold. Whatever that means. 10 times. And new pens. Fun. Except learning how to use them. Not-as-much-fun. I mean, I wrote with them and I wasn't ready. I didn't KNOW them intimately. And the writing looks.... juvenile. Maybe I got ahead of myself when I thought I could do this card thing..... 

    

  

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Coons. Raccoons. They were in the barn last night. Well, the night before this one (the longest night ever mostly because its 4:30 now and the dogs got me up at 2ish and I've been awake). This night might never end and then I'll not venture out to the barn to see what I did or did not trap. Night before last the geese stayed in with the ducks. I'm pretty sure that is why I had a full head count in the morning. Well, not full. We've lost 4 ducks in the last 3 weeks and with the loss of our beloved Tofu, the headcount may full well never be complete or whole again. But the remaining heads were accounted for and not by counting up pieces and parts, but all were alive. 

See? So much to fret about. Dream about. Worry about. There's more. But for one thing, my need to pound on computer keys is waning. And there's the part where there really may be some things I'm not ready to put out there for anyone and everyone. But hopefully morning will be coming soon. I'm tired, but not sleepy. The idea of laying back down fills me with dread.