Education Rhetoric

 I know a lot of words. I am a word gatherer. I gather them and file them and pull them out for further use when it is convenient for me. But often, like today, I have to go back and make sure I filed the correct word in the correct spot. When I looked up the definition of the word rhetoric, I found the definition to be profoundly fitting, on a deeper level than I even thought. So... yay me, the me that gathers words and saves them up for just such an occasion. 

My friends in the education business are getting ready for a continuing education type of conference about ACEs (adverse childhood experiences), resilience, and how to bring those things together. And in my teaching career I whole-heartedly jumped on this bandwagon. But today, as I sit here analyzing how it felt to not be deemed worthy of salvation as a parent of a child with intense ACEs, and a child who pushed and rejected and did everything in her power to make herself (and me by proxy) not worth the time of those around her, not worth saving, I find the word rhetoric to profoundly fitting for the business of loving kids and resilience and the bullshit industry-shitshow that is education today.

Rhetoric: "language designed to have a persuasive or impressive effect on its audience, but often regarded as lacking in sincerity or meaningful content. " This definition is from Oxford Languages. 

Whooooooboy! That says it right there. 

First of all, I will rant, as it is my right within my blog. I say shame on you for choosing sides of a child who repeatedly discounted and putdown and made "less than..." MY child because this child is near and dear to your heart and your know their story and blah, blah, blah.... Okay. Well, actually, fuck you and all your pretty face smiles and all the bullshit you and your middle-school-mean-girl-behavior brought to our life. I am more than slightly jaded and bitter at your "love" for us and how you "handled" my child and myself. So just FUCK YOU ALL TO HELL. 

Rant over. (just kidding). Blowing my top and using yelling of the beloved "F" word, will be less after this. But when it boils inside for so long while I try to choke down handfuls of sweet, kind, meaningless words with no sincerity (if you meant it, you would live it), after awhile, it comes back out of my soul, projectile vomit style. I am puke sick of you all "playing" me, and more importantly playing my kid, who graduated DESPITE you all. My kid, who has a pretty serious mental health diagnosis that she takes on, head-on, every fucking day. People have told me, outloud, to my face, that there is really no hope for a person with her diagnosis. That there is no treatment for it and that it only continues to get worse. And my education "friends" who are gathering with their bullshit rhetoric this coming week, you also told me this. Only you didn't tell me with your words, but with your actions. Told me that my kid was not worth your time or effort. And let me tell you, I know WELL how my kid can drain the living daylight right out of you. But in spite of the fact that she knows there is no treatment or cure; in spite of knowing that you do not give 2 shits about her life; in spite of knowing that all the other fuck arounds in your school WERE worthy of your time and effort, my kid graduated and is trying to get better. This is profound. Where is this in all your resilience talk, aka bullshit/rhetoric? Oh, yeah, I remember now.... she didn't show resilience, so she wasn't good enough. You successfully killed any hope remaining that this whole resilience crap talk was worth while, that education is about kids, all that shit. It's not about kids. It's about money. How much can be sucked out of schools paying for teachers to learn about the things they either are never going to do, or already do because they love kids. Honestly, your program is nice. Enticing. But some teachers were going to love kids no matter what and find ways to make school make a little bit of sense to kids like mine. And some teachers didn't believe your sales pitch a long time ago and paying to go to your little conference isn't going to change that.

And I don't have time or bandwidth to go into this today, but the head-banging hopelessness that your cold-hearted, know-it-all attitude brings out in me is truly overwhelming. 

This photo came from here: https://www.boredpanda.com/cute-hamster-butts/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

What I will tell you is that there is a little, tiny, BUTT sticking out. Oops, I think it's a but, not a butt. BPD people only get better IF they want it. And by god, my kid wants it. 

This is a much lengthier conversation actually. I could build my own show and shove handfuls of rhetoric of my own down throats of those who are sweetly spooning that shit down throats today, but I've exhausted my brain. I'm out of bandwidth. 

*sigh* 

I am heartbroken for my child, and the messages that you education reformists fed her. I am heartbroken for me, the teacher who feels too deeply, the one who is more interested in loving kids than proving to you that I did all steps and am worthy of your acceptance. I am devastatingly sad as I look at education today and look at where I am with it all. I don't believe your pretty packages full of lies and rhetoric. I hate it that I don't believe in education anymore and that I wasted years of my life trying to be a part of a dying system that is failing and bleeding dollars at the same that is it raking in money from tax payers for bullshit and lies, otherwise referred to here as rhetoric. 

Going down for the last time, and my education heart cannot be saved. Not only that, but you've shown me you'd rather just turn away and let me drown.

I also have no credit for this photo. I did not take this picture. I got it from an article. You can find it here.