I feel so many deep level rants going on. But my mind just scatters in every direction when I try to collect my thoughts. Rants and angry blogs make for an easy, good read. But surely there's more to writing than just collecting my anger in piles and dumping it.
One problem with angry-ranting all the time is that it takes away from my ability to re-frame my thinking and find the positives. And every day, there is something positive.
Yesterday, we went to town without money. I mean, yes, we are flat broke. But I had money on the ebt card and we needed lunch, so we went to the grocery store to find some lunch. At the checkout we realize that my ebt card is not with us. So my child looks to see if she has her debit card. But no, she does not. It was also left at home. So the two plastic sources of money we had, were not with us. We always have no money, but yesterday we had NO money.
Embarrassment. Humiliation. Standing in the line, trying to figure out how we can have some form of food with what we have, nothing.
Then guy behind us says, "add mine to theirs and I'll pay for it all." "Really?!" "Yes, really." He had one item, a drink. And he generously bought our lunch. Restored my daughter's faith in humanity. Me.... it took a minute. Why? Because I was still so embarrassed and humiliated and felt the worth that I would attribute to garbage. None. But it only took a minute. Because my child was there to remind me that it was a good act, and that someone took care when we were in need. Randomly. We don't know this guy, we are not going to put him on our list to someday repay him in some fashion.
What I will do is remember. And pay it forward. One day, when things are not quite this grim, I will pay it forward to my neighbor, randomly. And maybe, just maybe, I can help restore someone else's faith in humanity.
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