Brain Mush...

What slice of my life do I want to share with you all tonight? There's a thunderstorm in my brain tonight. A lot of the time when my brain gets cloudy and foggy, I blame the menopause. But tonight is more. The pause of Meno might play a part, but those clouds don't usually throw lightning and rattle off thunder. My mind and heart are connected. My thoughts are muddled in the middle of my heart. If that makes sense. And honestly tonight, if it doesn't make sense, that might be perfect.

I didn't want to write about this. Emotion and feelings. But they have flared up, like the flare of a disorder or disease. And are affecting my ability to think clearly. I'm determined to post something tonight. I missed the first two days of the month. I don't want to miss any more. 

It started in the car. My kiddo and I were talking and then the feelings start getting hurt and words get said. And then I get up in my head. Next I have to overthink for awhile. Then comes the beating up of self. And sadness. In roll the clouds. Fog. Thick and dense and damp. And my thoughts are mush. I'm in the kitchen crying I can't remember why I'm crying. I remember the feeling I was experiencing, but not the thoughts. No clear, concise description of events is lying around. 

So here I sit, determined to write, pound the keys, and to post. But the clarity. it's lacking. So today is drawing to a close. It's midnight here. I guess I should sleep. In spite of my disappointing blog post.