And it Builds, that raw emotion

This morning I was kicking around the idea of writing poetry. But the day just slipped away and here it is almost time to go to bed and I haven't written today. But I've been watching crazy documentaries. Tonight I'm watching The Program: Cons, Cults and Kidnapping. It's devastating to watch. A lot of the expertise is from people who were held in this place and the raw emotion is overwhelming. It brings a lot of unhealed emotion to surface. And I'm raw and weeping again. Why was it so very hard to live when I was young? And why has it followed me my whole life? Why am I plagued by thoughts of death? By unspeakable sorrow? By brokenness? 

And It Builds

I'm feel my pulse

racing through my body

and pounding through my veins.

I hear the blood 

pulsing in my ears. 

I feel the sorrow 

welling up from deep, deep down.

It builds,

it swells, 

it crashes.

And here I am 

alone,

in deafening silence.

My thoughts, 

my feelings

and me.

And it pulses

and builds, 

and ebbs and flows. 

I'm relieved 

as the feelings,

the raw, unrefined feelings,

retreat. 

And leave me 

alone

with only the roar

of silence.

-Carrie Horn

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