Well, I used to always stir the pot. Angrily. Vocally. With vigor. Then I went through a tempering. And in the midst of the tempering, also a battering, which is actually a longer, separate story, but when you're beat down by a narcissist and end up questioning everything in life and walk gingerly as to not stir the pot, it affects the rest of things. But I backed up. Way, way up. I believed that all I was, was someone who stirred the pot. Who opposed and came out swinging. I didn't believe it was that I was passionate about social reform or personal safety. Emotionally and otherwise.
Last night I stirred the pot. And about half way through, I thought, what is the real reason for this? I don't want to harm or berate, I don't want to be arrogant. I want to open communication about things and if I disagree with someone, I want to present a different side to things. But halfway through my tirade I realized, I only had half an argument. Because really, if we thought long and hard about the situation, we all wanted the same thing.
This started with a story of a youth, middle school age, that took a swing at a teacher. Shame on that child. But given the option to press charges, the teacher said, "of course I want to press charges, we need to hold this person accountable and start that paper trail now."
Okay, that is where my hackles went up. What paper trail? The school to prison pipeline? Come on. This kid, yes kid, couldn't be more than 13ish. Still a middle schooler. What kind of paper trail will help him reform?
Here is where I start to lose some steam. I don't think paper trails do any good, and I strongly believe that they do harm. But the argument that this kid needs to be presented with consequences to his actions and that boundaries have to happen here are valid and I agree with that argument. What I am not equipped to enlighten anyone about, is what some solutions really ARE. I mean, the key to changed to behavior, is relationship. How do you force a positive relationship onto a child who has already been so turned against authority that they would just take a swing at the teacher? Youth programs? Diversion programs? How do we get there? Do we have to have that initial paper trail?
So two-thirds through my shit-stirring, I am trying to back up. Because while I disagree that putting a kid on paper at that age is ever going to help them get out the mess they are already living, I also agree that no change will happen if this child isn't held accountable in some way, shape, or form. So in one way or another, we are all on the same side.
It's not okay with swing at a teacher, and this was actually a substitute teacher. So there's that too. Substitutes don't know all the ins and outs of the daily routines, so they need a little grace. Substitutes don't know all the ins and out of the daily routines, which throws students off, and students maybe need a little grace also.
What this conversation did was.... open up a lengthy car-ride discussion about kids who "randomly" swing at the authority in their life, and stir up my own defensiveness about being an at-risk kid who raised at-risk kids. I have fuel for many a rant now. But the thing is, I want my words to count today. I don't really want to just be a shit-pot-stirrer extraordinaire. Even if I do have a lot of practice at it.
God help me to be a voice for the underdog. That a gong-ringer with nothing real to say.