Endless Possibilities

 The future might be full of endless possibilities, but I just don't seem to know where to focus my efforts. With the decline in education funding, I really believe the world of education is going to look different in the not-so-distant future. I am not applauding this, I am heartbroken about what seems to happening and the whole dismantling of the Department of Education. What kind of future are we bringing to less fortunate families? Children have no say into their family's economic status and what status they are born into. So this is difficult to watch and stomach for me. But here are few things that keep pressing into my mind... 

I am a teacher. It's not a job, it is who I am. It's the "job" that's not a job. My dad said he got up everyday and did what he loved to do and was fortunate to get paid for it. That is what teaching is to me. Not a job. And I shared here earlier in the month about having the opportunity to help my sister teacher her children this year, and she asked me to teach Science. I have loved every minute of it. But I'm no longer in the public education classroom and I am not going to be teaching my niece and nephew next year as they are taking a different path with their schooling next year. And I have been substitute teaching to supplement my measly disability income. I also really enjoy this. But every time I step into a public school classroom I get nervous, like can't sleep the night before nervous. And there is the simple fact that "they're not my kids.... " Maybe John Q. Public doesn't understand that statement but every teacher everywhere does. Teaching is SO MUCH about relationship! And you can't build relationships in a day. To be fair, I am starting to build some recognition in some schools and some kids are like... "Ms. Horn, Ms. Horn..." and hugs. So there's a little glimmer of relationship being built there. 

So next year... what could/should it look like? 

• Some sort of private school/home school for children I don't know yet? What would that shape up like? My sister lives 50ish minutes from me and I drive there one day a week for in-person learning. Our schedule is this: M,F are Zoom meeting days; T, Th are email assignment days, and W is in-person teaching day. And it's worked. It would be much more cooler (just go with it, it's a vibe, not a grammar thing) if we met more than once a week, but this method has worked for us this year. Soooo.... would I form something similar to this with other people's children? What what would cost/payment look like? 
• I could tutor from my home all year. All the kids, everywhere. Lol. Via Zoom or in person, or at a library or rent a space. I don't know. 
• I could get a job. I can make as much as my disability check in a month and still keep my benefits. That would make life a lot less stressful for sure. 
• I could substitute 2-3 times a week and then I'd build those relationships too. 
• I could get the continuing education I need and get back to teaching.... wait, no, I can't. The price on my mental health and my physical body is too high. Teaching my calling but puclice school is sure to be the death of me.

I feel like there are so many "homeschool" type of options that are so far unexplored that will be more and more of an option as our public schools continue to be undermined, dismantled, and under-funded. But the kids that I feel like need me the most, are the ones who won't be able to afford me. It's never-ending cycle. Money makes the world go 'round. Maybe some "crazy (wealthy?) liberals" will believe this is something worth investing and help me fund this venture and I can open the school of my dreams. Wouldn't that be cool? And let me clarify, by "crazy liberals" I actually just mean like minded others who believe that children come first and that all children need a quality education, not just those who can afford it. Or maybe the government will accidentally allow some sort of loophole funding that will allow me to get paid for what I am capable of doing. There's a need. Trust me. And I'm good. But I burnt out and once there's no fuel left, the fire dies. I don't want to burn at both ends again until I burn out. I just want to pursue my passion, and I think there's possibilities, but I don't really have the funnel to narrow down the crazy, huge schemes of ideas and theories rolling around my brain and shape those possibilities into a real something. 

There is something there. And a power greater than me is going to have to show it to me. So I'll pray and trust and continue to dream.