Sunday, November 16, 2014
Today is full of questions for me. How do I "move on" and still be accountable for my past and atone for those "sins." I spend a lot of time completely submerged in teaching and in "not feeling"-- being in limbo. I live there because I don't want to feel the pain. But for a long time I have not been able to motivate, laugh, or feel the joy either. My kids are growing up with an absentee parent right here in their own living room. A parent who is so "busy" working on work or submerged in drudgery that she cannot enhance their lives, teach them how to live or love them to the fullest. I still make decisions by default-- not taking any action until someone or something else is forced to make it for me and then I live with the consequences. Thankfully today there is auto-pay for the things like my electric, my house payment, and so on. Or we'd probably be out on the street. I'm grateful I am not the person I once was, but I really want to move on, drag myself out of limbo and LIVE.