Today I feel beat down,
hurt,
injured
by the very things
I seek to overcome.
Those things I have worked on, strived
to learn NOT to be about.
Aloneness.
Abandon.
Loneliness.
Sadness.
Defiance.
Whirling and twirling,
round and round
the vortex goes.
Ebbing. Flowing.
Eating. Destroying.
The doomsday tornado
crashing 'round in my head,
leaves me feeling like I'm dead.
It's angry and volatile,
its wretched and vile.
The thoughts,
the feelings.
Do you know what you fffffffeeeeeeeeee.eeeeeelllllll?
Hell no.
Because I have smothered it in anger
and discontent.
I cannot experience my feelings as they are.
The beast,
it eats them,
buries them,
smothers them.
in anger.
and darkness.
-Carrie Suderman
