Over the last couple of years, I can see my life unraveling. I see.... the slow unwind of my professional life, my personal life, parenting and more. I can see it. I cannot seem to affect a change in the outcome. Like I'm in a trance.... knowing that it's my life coming apart, knowing that I'm the responsible party, that I am the one who has to change something. But as one in a trance, I cannot seem to move, to motivate, to start the change. It seems, to me, that I am unable to do anything but watch the unraveling of my life.
I know that on some level, this is simply not true. It's my life. I can live it by default, but I am still the responsible party. I'm the one who pays the bill. It's my name on the blank that says "responsible party." And life just may come to collect.
It's time to pay the piper.
The truth is, this is an extremely uncomfortable place to be. The unknowns plague me. The demand to be acknowledged, and yet, no resolve in sight. Just more unknowns. Where do the answers lie?
I've heard that answers lay beyond the end of my comfort And here I am, dangling out in the deep, dark world of discomfort. Hoping for some answers. Answers in life.
I feel the itch. the itch for something new. Creative. Something fun. Something true to my self.
My prayer today is to find that passion. The spark that is true to me. My true self. The part of me that shouts to the world, "This is me!" That part that can no longer be tamed or denied. That part of me, that doesn't have time for any detail that does not enhance my life. Amen?
