Is my thumb green or black this year? Time will tell.

 Somedays I write about things that are deep. Some days I write about quirky things. Sometimes about the busy-ness of every day life. Sometimes about hopes and dreams. 

Tonight is the second night in a row I've been stumped. Last night ended up being a hodge-podge summary of the day since I was super-duper late with my post. 

I am enjoying the warmth of Springtime. The warm afternoons, and no jacket weather. The part I don't like is that it is simply a foretelling of what is yet to come.... heat. Every year, I like summertime a little bit less. I used to love, love, love wintertime. When I was a kid and even as a young adult. But I've also grown to hate the extremes in winter. The ice and cold and plummeting temps. So all that really leaves me is Spring and Fall. And I do love them. But I also feel the foreboding in them of the season to follow. 

Sprintime is for planting and some yars I've had a green thumb. When I do, I love planting and tending and fussing over my plants. But other years it seems as though my plants were destined to die and no matter what new thing I try or old farmers almanac trick or wives' tale, they just seem determmined to die. This discourages me the next opportunity I get to plant the plants. I have decided to try. Yesterday I started some garden plants in peat pots. I think I am behind the curve already for planting seeds but I've decided to give it the ole college try. The trick will be finding a space where I can protect tomatoes, and peppers, and cucumbers, and melons from the chickens and goats, and also access them freely enough to keep them well-nourished and watered.

Wish me luck! 

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Playing Beat the Clock

 Yesterday I remembered to blog. I wrote on my phone. And I couldn't figure out how to post it to the Slice of Life Challenge from my phone. If, for some reason or other, you want to see what I wrote about yesterday, Saturday, here's a link. Tonight I suddenly remembered that I hadn't blogged yet today. And it's 10:30 pm, Central time. Well, now it's 10:42. So I have 17 minutes to blog and post it to Two Writing Teachers before it is tomorrow on the East Coast. *sigh*

So what you get tonight is a random run through my Sunday. I overslept because, of course, I stayed up too late last night. You see, I make greeting cards. I draw little doodle pictures and mount them onto cardstock and create whimsical greeting cards. Usually blank inside, but I love adding sentiments. Especially for special orders. I like making cards for my recovery community. And birthday cards and little assortment packs for people. My mom's boyfriend (that sounds so weird, because, you know, she's 82...), orders a packet of 6 for $20 and I usually do 2 birthday, 2 thinking of you, and 2 sympathy. I usually add bible verses to these. Anyways.... I stayed up late drawing some cards last night. Which translated into oversleeping this morning. 

One of the cards that kept me up late. 

Today being Sunday, that wasn't TOO serious. Except that we just discussed last night that maybe the baby goat's tummy hurts more when her feed schedule is more erratic, and we should really try to stick to at least an approximate time. And we decided that time should be 8:30. It was more like 9:30 today. 

Then I got the pup out of the chicken pen and put him in with the goats. He's too big to be with the baby goaties anymore. We've had him for 2 weeks and I swear that he's doubled in size already. He is part Great Pyrenese and Part Karst Shepherd. I had never heard of Karst Shepherd either. From what I understand, they have a lot of the same livestock guardian dog qualities that Pyrenese have, with markings resemebling german shepherds. And size matching the Great Pyrenese. All of this chatter to say.... my little baby dog, he's a giant. He is going to be a size LARGE adult dog. 

I decided not to honor "french toast sunday" in the morning/brunch hours today and we had it for dinner tonight. 

In the in-between time I.... helped take the kids outside to play, set up and loaded the new incubator, gathered eggs (twice actually), created another new card, cleaned out the chicks dirty dirty pen, dispatched a dead duckling, looked after our favorite outside kitty who apparently sustained an injury and maybe even got said injury tangling with a skunk. (She stinks!) And one of her back feet is swollen up twice its usual size. Somewhere along the way I did a few dishes and made another card. 

Today's greeting card

Not too shabby for a day of rest. 

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Living in a dustbowl

 Days like yesterday make me sympathetic and empathetic to people who lived through the dirty thirties. My trash carts kept blowing over…. No real surprise there. But the wind was so strong that I feared for the safety of the baby goats. I only left them out for about 20 minutes before my paranoia ran full circle and I brought them into our back room to roam indoors. These are the days when I don’t hate my dilapidated ole back room that was never finished and is only roughed in. Who cares if the kids roam free and make a mess. Just sweep it up. It’s just an add-on to chicken brooder messes, storage, laundry and so on. Also, Pumpkin lives back there. I call Pumpkin my purgatory cat. He can’t get along with the outdoor cats and live outside and I doesn’t matter if he could get along with the indoor cats because we already have too many cats inside and he can’t live inside. He also beat up and possibly was the death of one of the neighbors cats, adding to the reasons we can’t just let him run loose. So he can’t be in and he can’t be out. He lives in between the worlds. In purgatory. 

Oh, the wind. So we lived in the OK panhandle for a year and I had never seen so many brown sky days as that year! But that is what my day was like yesterday and what today is shaping up to look like as well. 

Yesterday was an extreme fire risk day. Thankfully the wond was out of the south. Because there was a wildfire a few miles north of me. North and west. Only about 5 miles away. They said it was as big as a football field. 

These are high anxiety days for me. But also rich with gratitude. I just tend to hide inside as much as I possibly can. And pray. For safety. For the wind to calm. For fire fighters to be safe. For people to be safe. 

Today I’m grateful for my little home in the country and that it may be full of dirt and dust but it is still standing. 

This was the view on Friday, March 14, 2025.

A new kind of teaching....

 The art of teaching is never an exact science. There's an art, and there's a science, but they are fluid. It's been five years since I've been in a classroom. But this year I chose to teach science to my home-schooled niece and nephew. It has been a rewarding adventure. First of all, there's an age gap... my niece is sixteen and my nephew twelve. So technically there's a bit of gap. But my niece is also developmentally delayed and fights with some significant learning disabilities. Ick, I don't like the words "learning disabilities" but for lack of a more appropriate way of describing her setbacks... she has some processing disorders that slow her down. My nephew may quite possibly be brilliant but he is also a genius at avoidance tactics. So anyway... this year has kept me in teacher mode quite a lot. When I am on top of my game, I write detailed plans and much is accomplished. We also go with the flow. The ebb and flow of natural rhythms, of the difference between homeschool and public school, and hormones and emotional and academic struggles. I have used every strategy in my toolbelt this year. But the rewards are giant. I don't know if my niece and nephew are enjoying what we're learning, but I have had a blast! I love it. But there is so much more.

I am building trust and relationship with my niece and nephew. They are struggling with being adopted. My niece has some nice little fantasies about her "bio family" as she puts it and how it will be a perfect reunion. And my nephew has resentments and mistrust from/for his biological family. He has a lot of anger, and hurt, and general disdain for the world. But we email a lot for school. Our school "set up" is roughly (there is a lot of being flexible on days I sub in a public school classroom or someone has a doctor appointment or other scheduling conflicts): Monday, Friday we Zoom. Tuesday and Thursday assignments and expectations are given through email and assignments returned via email. Wednesday is our in-person learning day when I drive to their house and we "do school" in person. One expectation is that they check their email every day. And respond in a timely manner. I try to put times on the expectations. But I digress... the joy here is that I have been receiving emails from each of them about various things in their lives and they trust me to talk to me, to ask me to pray for them, to ask me for direction, affirmation and advice. It is the best feeling ever. 

My teacher heart is happy. But my Auntie heart is overflowing.

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Simple Joys

 I woke up today in love with Springtime. It does something for my soul. The cool, crisp morning that I know will give way to a warm, sun-drenched afternoon. I found my morning routine to hold joy today. I helped my kiddo by taking care of her goats this morning. This is not a really a chore because it is a joy. These little babies have been ours for a week and a half now and they came to us YOUNG. Much younger than we anticipated. The one that was only 5 weeks when she came to us is happily bottle feeding and making huge growth. She's hefty and heavy. Her "sister" (they are not from the same momma), is a little older, and she refuses to take a bottle, but the vet said her tummy hurts because she was weaned too soon. She was also running a fever the day we took her to the vet. But she's improving. And oh-so-lovable! These little goaties bring me joy! I also found joy in letting the puppy out of his kennel and putting him in the pen. He is learning how to be a goat and hanging out in the goat pen. Does this sometimes equal him getting head-butted? Yes, yes it does. But not always. Daisy, our pregnant goat, headbutts him the most. But she doesn't usually seek him out. She usually headbutts him if he's in her business, inbetween her and her food (that girls loves to eat), or between her and a human. Sammy sometimes seeks Duke out just to headbutt him. But I digress... Getting Duke out of the chicken coop also lets the chic
kens and ducks out. I checked the egg boxes. 0 chicken eggs so far today, but three duck eggs! This brought me joy! We have 3 duck hens and have only ever gotten 2 ducks eggs at a time from them since we've gotten down to only 3 ducks. This means Apollo, our five year old duck hen, is laying too! She must be happy that it is Spring also. Apollo is the OG. We got her and Tofu (a Jumbo Pekin) in 2020 during the Covid shutdown. Tofu met an untimely demise with a raccoon. Apollo is the only fowl we have left from then. She has a forever home even if she never lays another egg in her lifetime. Finding 3 eggs today brought me joy. All three of my duck hens are laying. Yay! I recently found some boxes upstairs of stuff I never unpacked when we moved her over 4 years ago. I found a coffee cup from a bestie. I thought of her today as I drank my coffee and that brought me joy.

Thank you Lord for these "little" joys. I've been in a bad way, on a dark path. And the despair has screamed loud and the joy was silent. I'm so grateful it is back.

Happy Birthday Mom

 Today my Mom turned.... well, I guess I am not supposed to say. It is more than 80 years she's been on this earth. When I was 15, I ran away on my mother's birthday. Not necessarily because it was her birthday, I would say my mind was too full of me, myself, and I to think about the impact of running away on her birthday. I just didn't thnk it through. However, Mom and I had a rocky relationshiup. On some level, it was probably a special little "F you" for her birthday for her. I don't have a whole lot to say about the actual act and days surrounding it. What I will say is that reflecting on this, and looking at it in hindsight is terribly terribly painful. It has hurt for a lot of years. And sometimes I feel like I've forgiven myself, but it never "sticks." The agonizing disappointment in myself and my disgust at how I hurt someone I love always returns. I know that my God forgives me. And I know that my Mom has forgiven me. I have asked and she has answered. But I have terrible remorse and agony over this memory today. Thankfully, I don't remember this all the time. For instance, I was able to celebrate for most of the day today. This memory just came crashing through after I got home from visiting my Mom. 

Today, I am able to say that I am grateful for my Mom and every minute we are able to spend together. I know I won't always have it. 

My daughter was able to go with me today and surprise my mom. I made us lunch (enchiladas), and bought some angel food cake and ice cream and frozen strawberries for all of us to share. I made her a card this morning and we gave her that. It was a happy time and memories were made. 

We were also able to remember my Dad today and tell a few stories about Dad and remember his life and the joy he brought to us.

Happy Birthday Mom. I thank God for his forgiveness and I pray one day I'll know that freedom that forgiveness brings. I pray that today, you know how I love you and you can see love, not just the sorrow of the past. 

I see a mistake now! Eek! I already 
gave it to her! I also didn't take a great 
photo. At the top where you cannot see, 
it says "Happy Birthday"

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Some aniversary dates are not the joyous kind....

Dear Dad,

It's been five years since you left us. It still think of you every day. Not every memory tears me up inside anymore, sometimes I can find the joy. I remember your zeal for life, your love for people, and your devotion to Jesus. 

I miss fishing with you. Hunting with you. Riding in the truck with you. I miss family get togethers out at the pond. 

Dad, I miss your wisdom, your creativity and your warmth. You were always the life of the party. But you also gave me great one on one time. Whether we went out to eat on a Daddy/Daughter date, or spent the day purchasing supplies for a patio we never finished. 

I miss your smile. I miss hearing you say, "Well, hello Carrie Lynner-skinner!" 

Every day I remember something that makes me smile. Some days I remember things that make me sad, or make me miss you in a really big way. Those are days I still cry.

Dad, life here is not the same without you. You left a very big hole. Remember that hole you always talked about that only I could fill in your heart? Turns out the space in my heart that only you can fill is rather large. 

I miss you Dad. 

Love,

Care