Fully Present.... I think it requires the ability to fully disengage as well

I have a confession to make. I am never fully present. Well, never is such a dramatic word. I am SELDOM fully present. And the reason as I play it in my head may well be an excuse, but I'm going with the word 'reason' instead. The reason for this is because I am NEVER fully disengaged. I fall asleep with a nagging sense of worry and wake up tired and worried and alert and on-guard for the dangers that come from living with an avoidance queen (me) and a major depressive borderline personality (not me). So this epiphany takes me down a number of magical(?) rabbit holes and starts the fire to figure out "the why" of it all. I think to myself, no wonder I can't figure out where all the stress is coming from. I mean, I constantly blame the forgetfulness, the absentmindedness, the loss of a train of thought, on "chronic stress." Those expressions sound something like this: "It's all that cortisol my brain is dumping, really, I am an intelligent human...." After awhile though, it is just more blah, blah, blah. 

I like the following explanation/definition of chronic stress that I found on the website verywellmind.com, the url to the article is provided here, so click on the link if you want to know more about this information. 

"Chronic stress occurs when the body experiences stressors with such frequency or intensity that the autonomic nervous system does not have an adequate chance to activate the relaxation response on a regular basis. This means that the body remains in a constant state of physiological arousal.

This affects virtually every system in the body, either directly or indirectly. People were built to handle acute stress, which is short-lived, but not chronic stress, which is steady over a long period of time. In order to begin managing chronic stress, it is important to understand what it is, what may be causing it, and how it affects the entire body."  

Basically, my body and mind never fully relax. So you may ask why I have all this training under my belt (I have been to many a conference and in-service and read the books and done the studies about ACEs, trauma, and the crisis cycle) and I don't remain calm, I react instead of respond, and go from 0-90 in 2.5 seconds. First of all, I'm never really at 0. I go from 70-90 in 2.5 seconds. At 70 I am barely below the radar, keeping the lid on all the anxiety and so on that lives within. But when that minor stressor happens, it blows my cover.

So although I wish I could fully engage and be fully present, my brain is tired and still wired. It's on a triple shot of espresso, day and night. You ask me to pay attention, to listen, to engage, but my brain is on high alert. So wish me luck with that. 

Most educators I know have had exposure to and training on ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and what ACEs do to a person, but if you do not have knowledge of this, check it out. Our kiddos in the classroom live with a lot of ACEs everyday. This link will take you to the cdc and it's information on ACEs. There are TONS of connections, links and information on the cdc site.