gratitude

 Today I will start the day with gratitude. Here's my philosophy in a nutshell.... Gratitude: first it is a practice, then it becomes a habit and finally, it becomes a way of life. When I develop an attitude of gratitude, I practice finding parts of my day to be grateful for, ways to flip the script. 

If I hadn't had crippling arthritis in my knees, I would be busy, very busy, and not available to help my child with the level of commitment that has been needed. I hate hobbling like an old person. I hate crying out because for whatever reason, my knee turned in that "just wrong way" and the pain is excruciating. I hate those things. I hate that period of time when I didn't realize that I was in pain, that the pain was steadily increasing, that I was long overdue for some blessed ibuprofen. I hate that when the realization descends upon me it is usually in the form of tears and suddenly I KNOW how much pain I am in. None of these are what I am grateful for. 

I am grateful that I can take my kid to appointments galore; that on the bad days, the can't-leave-her-alone-with-herself days, I can be a quiet presence and just BE THERE. I am grateful that I am learning to know my child, maybe again, maybe in ways I have never known her, and that I am available for that. I am grateful that I'm there at those countless appointments to hear what doctors, psycho-therapists, rehabilitation therapists (PT, etc.), nurses, technicians, and specialists (GI doctors, ob-gyn doctors, allergists, etc.) have to say and I can hear their words of life, encouragement and specific directions they speak to her. 

I can see that I am so fortunate to be able to be here for her. I miss working. I miss actual time to myself, time that I'm home and no other humans are here. I do. But I know that I'm lucky, fortunate, and blessed. 

And I'm grateful. I know that when I search my soul for something to be grateful for today, I will easily find hidden gems that presented themselves today because of my inability to work at a job right now. 

Read more slice of life stories here. Writing every day for the month of March.