Pro Life vs. Anti Abortion?

 I would tell you that I am pro life. I will also tell you that I'm pro woman's rights. Women have the right to determine what they do with their body. So I have an internal conflict. I guess the thing is... I saw a sonogram when I was only about 6 weeks pregnant with my oldest child. She was sucking her thumb and turning somersaults, even though she still had a tail. I believe that precious being was 100% alive. And not just a "fetus" or "fetal tissue." But I also believe that I can't tell another woman that it's going to be worth the 9 months of discomfort and growth and all that jazz if she doesn't want her baby. And I don't even really mean if she "doesn't want her baby." I mean, most women, to some extent ponder their options and to some capacity "want" that baby. But what if this meant never escaping a bad situation? What if it meant she and her baby would both be addicts? What if it meant she was bringing the child into a world where they lived hand to mouth every day? What if she knew she had anger issues? You know.... deep-seated, hateful, hurtful anger issues that make a person see red and do things they didn't even they were capable of doing? What if.... I could fill those in all day long. 

My daughter and I were having a conversation in the car, where most good conversations are born. And this topic came up. And she said "I know you're pro-life, but...." and launched into reasons that she is pro-woman's choice. Her arguments were all things I agree with. 

What I deeply believe is that we cannot really know what is in another person's heart and mind. What pain and agony they live with or are running from. I believe that men have it easy when women get pregnant. And I don't believe the answer is to "even the playing field" by somehow making him miserable. I do mean that he will never know what it is like to carry a child inside his body and to experience the dramatic shifts in hormones that happen during pregnancy. He will never know the emotional ties that woman experiences with a child she has not met. He will never understand that the gender gap is real and how much more she will struggle to make enough to comfortably care for herself and a child. Or let me say, he cannot understand just HOW real it is. And the effect of it. Do I think men can be sympathetic and realize this is a real problem? Yes, I do believe that. I also believe these men are fewer and farther between than I'm comfortable with. I do have A friend who I believe really believes in the rights of women and wants those rights to be catapulted to the same front as men's rights. Rights to choose, rights to make money, rights to express oneself and not be called "hormonal" and "emotional." Men and women are different. Period. And women ARE made to be more emotional and more hormonal. We should not be punished or diminished or thought of as less-than for those things. We should not be shamed. Many women push down their feelings and feel like it's a victory to be as callous as a man in given situations. I think that is discounting some things about women that are fascinating and mystical and magical and should not be discounted. But again, I digress. 

I think women should have the GUILT FREE right to choose her path. Abortion. Adoption. Motherhood. Single parenting. Villages of support. Conservative Christian Values. Wide-open, left-wing values. 

Climbing down off the soapbox for a minute, I will say, I have a mountain of pain from a child I gave birth to and did not raise. I hurt me. I hurt her. I even hurt her father. What I mean by that is that today I can see that it's not necessarily okay to discount the father in the situation as completely as I did. But I was a kid, seventeen. And I did what I thought was right. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that that little peanut was alive in there turning somersaults and sucking her thumb and I wouldn't have wanted to end her life. 

But I also know she has lived with an intense sense of abandonment and wondered why I didn't love her. That she will never know how long and hard I thought about my options and wanted the very best for her. It is beyond her comprehension because of her own pain. 

Wouldn't it be great if we all just made responsible life choices to begin with and didn't have to reap what we sow because we are faced with the dilemma of whether or not we can parent this little surprise package? That no women faced being pregnant as a product of rape or incest or incestuous rape? Wouldn't it be great if men didn't feel entitled to take whatever they want by force and women would be seen as the goddesses they are instead of discounted for sexual objects to fulfill male desires and to be discarded at will? Wouldn't it be something if our society met women wherever they are at and offered them help and hope and a place at their table? If women weren't shunned and gossiped about and turned away from the help they need because they were supposed to "get it right" before this? 

We have so much to learn as a society. I feel like I have so much to learn. How do I marry my beliefs if they contradict each other? I don't. Today I just pray about and ask God to make me a kinder, more caring human being. One that fights for other women no matter what. 

Can I get an amen?