Writing

 If you read my blog you know absolutely everything there is to know about me. From the depths of my soul to the top of my ego. You know what makes me tick, you know what I'm heavily opinionated about, what makes me cry, and that I battle depression on the constant. But one day recently I was talking about how I'm an open book and had blogged that day on a particularly painful subject and I couldn't bring myself to talk about it. Which started me wondering.... why is it that absolutely no topic is off limits in writing and yet some subjects remain taboo in speaking? I will be the first one to tell you I have no secrets and that I'm an open book. So what is different about allowing you into my over-sharing space of blogging and respecting social boundaries of over-sharing in speaking? Maybe it is just that, social boundaries. Or maybe it is that writing is cathartic and a window to the deepest (and shallowest) parts of me. Maybe its an ego thing where I think the whole world is entitled to my deep thoughts and grandiose insights. Maybe it is just that writing is an extension of me that flows freely. I'm not shy, I'm not awkward and easily intimidated when I'm writing. I'm not the weird kid who randomly blurts out unrelated content. I mean I am. I'm often random in my writing. And I change subjects fluidly. But when I go back and re-read them, they seem to flow. At least to my disheveled mind they do. There are plenty of people out there with disorganized brains who can follow what I write. 

My kid says I am a good story teller. So at least some of the writer's brain translates to every day. And as I have been pounding this out on my keyboard I'm coming to realize that I'm glad there's a difference between my speaking self and my writing self. I was once an over-sharer in speaking and I might still be, but not like I am in writing. In writing there's a safe distance. If it makes you uncomfortable for instance, you can stop reading. If I make you uncomfortable in person, we don't always have the option to walk away mid-sentence. I still hold this egotistical belief that what I have to say holds value for other people. That you are somehow better off knowing my intimate thoughts. I think that's not a bad viewpoint as a writer. But I also think it's self-centered and attention seeking at the same time. 

Sometimes I HAVE to write. Sometimes my mind won't allow me to move without a data dump, or an emotion dump. I'm just stuck until I spit it out. On some level I realize that this doesn't always mean someone else NEEDS to read what I wrote. But I almost always publish it anyways. 

Writing. It's freedom. It's it's own entity. It's essential. and I am still of the belief that it is beneficial to other people in some light.