Today, someone else's pain was unbearably too much. I think that is weird and ironic. I should be there for them. Not broke down in tears. But today I wonder.... what is wrong in the world today? Why do so many people feel the need to end their own lives? Why is the pain so great? When did it happen that fifth grade girls considered suicide? How do parents cope?
I know how we cope. Truth. My 10 year old daughter told me not too long ago that she thinks about suicide. So I know how I cope. I talk to her, I call the mental health center, I make sure there's a plan in place. Then I put one foot in front of the other. But so so so many youngsters are thinking like this. And today I heard of just one more person who's inner pain was so great that she didn't want to face another beautiful sunrise. Today the dam is breaking and I am not strong. I am not a good friend. I am in pain. And I feel so guilty because for now, I am the lucky one whose child just thought about it, no harmful action was taken. Today my river of denial is breaking the dam and tears are flooding down my cheeks.
I don't think anyone can prepare you to "cope" with these truths when they arise in your (our) life. So much of parenting seems to be learned as you live it - and hindsight is not helpful. I do think that your emotions are valuable and important to share with those who surround you. In fact, often our emotions reflect caring - and isn't that what we want the people around us to feel? Thank you for sharing this tough situation.
ReplyDeleteI know how strongly having sympathy for someone else's hurt can affect you. I cried with someone today who experienced a loss. I've never met them, they live thousands of miles away.
ReplyDeleteBut I cry a lot. I was that little girl considering suicide. I was the little girl who self-harmed. The one time I mentioned suicide to my parents they did not react like you. They reacted with threats.They, at the time, did not really believe in mental illness. So I hid everything. My scars, my journals, my thoughts. And I lived in painful silenced marked with poor attempts at my life for over thirteen years.
Mental illness is not a small thing, it is not a minority. And yet this stigma prevails and supports the silence. It is heartbreaking how many young people suffer, afraid to voice their pain. We have to end the silence. We need to shine the light on the problem, even if it isn't pretty. Kids need to know that their lives can be better, they can be happy.
Sorry for the diatribe. This is why I created a blog, to help shine the light among my group of friends so that they may in turn pick up the torch and we can light the world.