Empathy

Yesterday I was not empathetic. I was not considerate or compassionate. I was in pain. A headache, induced by fatigue and stress, split my head wide open. Along with the pain tumbled out a lack of restraint of every negative thought in my head.

But what did happen is this. A realization. An understanding. When my child, who suffers from frequent migraines, feels like her head is splitting open and she is contemplating crying because of the pain, she really is less able to control her emotions. I also noticed I have ridiculously high expectations of others in my pain. I know this happens to/for me all the time, but when I am not in so much pain, I can recognize that my expectations are unrealistic and I can adjust them. In my pain, I was just stuck. Even when I realized that my behavior was erratic and that I was putting unrealistic expectations on others, I was unable to adjust my expectation, I was obsessed. I was stuck in "yeah, but...."

This is so often my daughter. She can even acknowledge or say that she is not meaning to be mean or rude or selfish, but then she is unable to adjust her expectations. This was painful for me. I could see/feel that I was being hurtful, and still felt so much outrage and flat out anger. I felt defeated and deflated. Which are things I see in my child.... when she eats gluten, or she has a migraine, or does not take care of her needs.


I hated where I was at last night. I hope that I can hold onto that understanding when I see someone else, quite possibly my own child, exhibiting less control due to their own pain. Physical pain, makes it much more difficult to regulate emotions. I noticed that I had a plethora of irrational thoughts as well. So today I will strive to err on the side of grace and kindness. I will do my best to remember that I truly do not know what another person is going through. I will do my best not to project my expectations onto another, because I don't know their struggles.